Romance Novel Fodder

This started out as as a ‘whatever’ convo about how my night plans were to christen my new bong and chow down the delicious BBQ I had adventured for and it turned into me realizing that I’m not just 'decent at written communication' or even 'good at creative writing'. I’m FUCKING AMAZING. Well, you decide…

DJ: Cloudy porch…

I wonder if my neighbors can smell it.

TB: Now your just rubbing it in…

DJ: Only a little.

I could be even more of a twat and tell you I’m naked.

(I’m not, but I could say it)

TB: That would be cruel.

And hot! *insert string of happy emojis here*

DJ: I know, so would me telling you how soft my boobs are right now — especially with the gentle and warm breeze caressing the nipples

(again, still clothed… just high and a good writer :))

TB: Damm

Even hotter

Keep writing….

DJ: (Only if you promise to not touch yourself except where I say while I do and critique me later)

TB: I’m totally game…

DJ: As you sit there thinking about how well my nipples could most likely cut glass right now, you can almost feel my hand at the nape of your neck, fingers playing in the short fibers of soft human hair.

TB: Mmmmm…

‘Where is she going with this?’ you think as you wonder how you could possibly have lucked into swiping right at the right time tonight.

TB: Nice…. very hot

DJ: As I gently rub the tips of my toes up my calf as though controlled by your hand I imagine you asking what my tattoo stands for.

TB: And?

You see the pout in my supple lips as I say “oh I wish you didn’t have to ask that. Why it’s the mark of the empire of course! Vader? Star Wars!?!”

TB: Lovin it

DJ: PAUSE

[Juliet says: That’s right, I am a fucking tease. Actually, just wanted to see if he did know/like Star Wars otherwise I wouldn’t know how to continue the story!]

DJ: Do you like star wars? I’m a nerd.

TB: Love it!

DJ: UNPASE

“I love Star Wars!” you say, “It’s just with all this smoke I couldn’t tell what it was.” You then reach across ‘accidentally’ brushing my boob with your forearm as you grab the bong for another hit.

TB: Except it was no accident

[Juliet says: No shit, that’s why I put it in single quotes.. only so much I can do with formatting in a tinder app!]

DJ: While you sit there smoking, you feel my hand on your thigh, teasing, taunting, gently getting closer and closer but not quite touching your manhood which has started to rise.

TB: Mmmmmm

[Juliet says: Why? Why interject? You’re ruining the story!]

DJ: As you throw your head back to blow out the hit, I throw my leg over your hip, climb into your lap and…

steal the smoke directly from your mouth with a suction so powerful your tongue can’t help but get sucked in too.

Setting the bong down, you reach in to grab my large supple breasts,

TB: Hell yeah

Damn

DJ: only to have me grab your wrists and pin them behind you, teasing, taunting, making you want to burst.

TB: I’m so turned on!

DJ: PAUSE

Sorry, I just have to say

I have never actually done this before.

But I’m like in the moment.

TB: Me too! I’m so turned on!

[Juliet says: Wow, this dude has a way with words, eh?]

DJ: And I think that life is a series of moments and I want to experience every single one of them, so I am going to just let it happen.

I’m like… Good at this. I should write a romance novel or something.

Anyway…

UNPAUSE

TB: Hell yeah you should

DJ: Your back arches as you try to free yourself from the grip of my strong thighs pinning you in place,

and my tongue explores your contour from your ear down to your nipples.

You stop fighting and let me control the positioning, all the while your throbbing member* demanding its turn soon.

*[Juliet says: I always wanted to use that phrase]

TB: Mmmmmm

So hot

I’m so turned on

DJ: As my feet explore your lower back you marvel at my flexibility and core strength as I continue the tease getting microscopically close to all the places you long me to pick, but never quite allowing the satisfaction.

TB: I wish I was there in person!

DJ: PAUSE

So, life plays in my head like a movie. When things happen, scenes play - they are especially vivid while I am high.

And when you said that just now, in my head the following scene occurred.

TB: Go on

DJ: You somehow could look through the phone like it was FaceTime or something but see me actually sitting here, very Alice’s wonderland dream like

TB: I like that

DJ: And in YOUR head, I was like one of those 450lb phone sex operators from a comic book, hair in curlers, cigarette hanging from the mouth, and this mornings eggs still staining the 1970 style house dress.

TB: LOL….

DJ: And you immediately unmatched me and I was like nooooooooo! But not because of you… Because I want to keep it! I’m an awesome writer it seems. Haha I knew I was like good at written communication and stuff, but I’m making myself hawt here.

No offense or anything

TB: U got me on fire

None taken

DJ: Just that’s what happened in my head.

So please can you not until I get this all documented? I’m not saying you will, but I seem to have a knack for chasing away dudes on tinder.

[Juliet says: you should see my blog...]

TB: I can only imagine how you would be in person….

DJ: Imagination is a great thing.

So is honesty.

TB: I AGREE!

DJ: Um… I haven’t met you or anything so I actually was picturing this happening here but with someone else…

/cringe

I’m single!!! Don’t get me wrong. But newly so. and newly crushing on someone else.

Just… Being honest.

Now can we cut with the honesty and get back to the story?

TB: I’m trying to get back on horse too

Ready…

Can’t wait for more

DJ: UNPASE

Once again you start to struggle for positioning as I whisper in your ear, “I hate to kill the mood, but I am all out of condoms.”

TB: *insert crying face emoticon here*

DJ: You stand up taking me in your arms and say, “there’s plenty I can do to you with other things!”

TB: Yes I can!

DJ: You kick open the french door to the bedroom, throw me down, apologies to the cat, and begin to disrobe.

PAUSE

Sorry!

I’m laughing.

TB: That was funny

DJ: I was just thinking of how sad it is that the reader of a romance novel wouldn’t get the full effect of the tease, you know?

The emotional roller coaster of awesome I’m taking you on.

TB: So true

DJ: Phone is only at 7% battery and I super have to pee.

TB: Up and down is a good ride *insert winking emoji here*

DJ: Give me 2 minutes (sorry if you lose wood)

…. and he was never

Just Kidding!! I actually did get very distracted by some delicious BBQ and then distracted by making a note for the next day, and 20 minutes later got a ping on the phone of him saying “long pee.” Oops! I begged off with sleepy times.