TB: I see you are single you have kids
Where Cali you live
DJ: I do not have kids. I live in CITY OMITTED.
TB: Want kids
So why no man
DJ: You want kids? Like right now?
TB: If I met someone who wants kids sure
Why not
DJ: Well, I guess I'm just not there yet.
Very very newly single.
TB: Would you like to exchange numbers
DJ: I like to chat a little bit in the app before giving out my number.* Tell me a little more about you.
[Juliet says: *I learned from a horrible mistake]
TB: I'm single 39 no kids I'm from Boston I work out 6 days aweek trying his site not looking for one nighter but i do enjoy sex but not a one nighter I travel 3 times a year I like out doors activities I'm very open you
[Juliet says: Holy crap I get dizzy trying to read his texts. Where is the punctuation?!]
DJ: I am 39 as well. No kids, but still legally married. I am separated and not looking for a hookup but also not looking for LTR.
TB: So your looking for f w b
DJ: I am looking for friends. If a spark appears, perhaps benefits, but only if they naturally progress.
TB: That's find so you enjoy lots of sex
Do size matter
DJ: Well, I have a healthy libido if that's what you're asking.
As in height/build? Or "package size"
TB: All
My package like a 9
DJ: Height doesn't matter to me. I'm pretty short so it's uncommon for me to be taller.
TB: That's good so how long can you last in bed
[Juliet says: Haven't even finished the one question and he's shooting out more. Damn, he is trying to fast forward to "suck my dick" isn't he?]
DJ: "Healthy" or "medium" build is probably what I am quickly attracted to, however no one is perfect.
TB: How's my build
[Juliet says: Oh wow! I thought maybe he was speaking in some broken english or something, but now that I look at his pics... he's just a stupid meathead jock!]
DJ: Well, that's getting a bit personal pretty quickly.
TB: I find you attractive
DJ: Thank you.
TB: What do you think of me
DJ: Well, I don't really know enough about you yet. What do you do? For your profession
TB: Personal trainer
DJ: Ahhhhhh
TB: You
So when are you free to go out
DJ: Well, I'm actually busy all through Oct TBH. I get back from Vegas on 03 Nov.
TB: Vegas
So how bout I come see you when you come back
DJ: Yeah, my sister lives there.
Invite me to something and we'll see!
***A few days later***
TB: Hi
DJ: Hi, NAME OMITTED. How are you?
TB: Good just laying here you
Relaxing
DJ: Was organizing my kitchen cupboards and am taking a bong break.
TB: Really I'm not invited
I have really good trees
DJ: I have plenty myself!
TB: Can I come join you
DJ: I have a rule about meeting people in public first.
TB: We can meet in public fist silly
DJ: But I'm too stoned to drive.
TB: I'll drive to you
DJ: But then we aren't meeting in public!
TB: Yeah out side walking distance
[Juliet says: Yeah, bro; 'cause getting in a car with a stranger a few blocks from my house is totally just as safe as meeting in public.]
DJ: I really hope this doesn't offend you but your lack of punctuation makes it kind of heard to decipher your texts sometimes. Try and throw a comma in every now and again would you? ;)
TB: Lol
So let me ask you do you love sex when your stoned
I'm driving
DJ: Then you stop texting right now mister! No text and drive.
I am not looking for a hookup if that is where you are going
[Juliet says: I just think I'll remind him here... his memory isn't so great. He has asked me 3 times what city I live in)
TB: No I'm not looking for hookup but sex everyday would be nice few times day
[Juliet says: WOW]
DJ: Whoa. That feels super needy bro. I can't make that kind of commitment.
TB: Ok so how often then
[Juliet says: Here's where it gets REALLY good folks.]
DJ: Look, I'm not in any way promising to fuck you. I'm not that kind of girl. Let's start with basic human conversation, shall we? When you get to your destination and stop driving of course.
TB: But i want to fuck you lmao
DJ: How do you know that? I could be super gross.
TB: Woman with red hair and your eyes is enough my big fat cock go in you
Plus I have condoms for safe sex in till we have a relationship then bare
Unless you want a baby then we would have to work on my sperm getting in you
Do you like to get wet cumm all over you
[Juliet says: I think my favorite part of his terrible final slew of grossness is when he tries to educate me on how babies are made and if I want one we would have to change things up.]
I realize that I am swiping based on this experiment, and yes, he was a match from name #1. However, I figured I had gotten enough information from this toolbag. I did not dignify him with a response and once all was captured for blog purposes, unmatched him.
Ladies? There be creepers out there. Be smart! Dudes? Don't be this guy.
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